separation anxiety | Grove School

Parents feel anxious, too

David Roy | January 13, 2010 | Comment

With only days until The Grove School welcomes its charter families in Plano and Cary, I’m reminded of the first time my wife and I dropped off our daughter at preschool. Hannah was about as old as the youngest children at The Grove School, and that first day was a profoundly emotional one for Stacey and me.

We were living thousands of miles from our families and, as a result, the three of us were a particularly tight-knit unit. I don’t think Stacey and I even went to dinner or a movie more than once or twice in Hannah’s first two years. So, to show up one day for the purposes of leaving her in the care of someone else, was beyond overwhelming. Luckily, Hannah had a wonderful teacher who helped us get through those first trying days. For us, the fundamental concern was that our daughter was safe and happy every day; we were relieved upon seeing the way Hannah’s teacher interacted with her and the other children.

I know that very concern will be on the minds of parents next week. What we hope to do at The Grove School, next week and every day after, is make drop-off a happy time for your entire family. Children will be eager to see friends and teachers, and excited about the fun and exciting things they will do and learn during the day. Parents will be happy knowing their children will be in a safe, nurturing environment where they are engaged by caring and expert teaching staff, and where all children have access to wonderful experiences throughout each day.

For those of you who are taking your child to preschool for the first time next week: We are honored that you have chosen us, we know how anxious you might be, and we are confident that you will soon consider The Grove School to be a positive and essential part of your community and your family’s life.

David is our guru of community partnerships. He's the one bonding at the local level with families, schools, groups and businesses. Ever the amiable fellow, he has a background in non-profit resource development, fundraising, government and public relations, and policy analysis.

Keywords: Grove School, separation anxiety

Goodbye is not forever—adjusting to issues of separation

Meg Davis | January 13, 2010 | Comment

One of the most difficult things for family members and children new to child care is adjusting to the initial separation period. Experiencing tears from your child when he or she realizes you’re about to walk out the door is not easy. However, knowing that your child’s reactions (and your own!) are quite normal and predictable can help with the process.

Most children begin showing signs of concern about a family member’s absence around six to eight months of age. At this stage in their development, children do not yet grasp the concept of object permanence—that things and people still exist even though they are out of sight. The child cries because, in his or her mind, Mom may never return. As children grow, they learn that Mom or Dad will return. In the meantime, there are some things you can do to make this transition smoother for everyone.

Begin slowly. Children need time to adjust to new environments and caregivers, so plan to visit the center several times before leaving your child the first time. Consider leaving your child at the preschool for only a few hours at a time in the beginning, eventually building up to a full day.

Be prepared. Recognize in advance that you and your child may have difficulties separating. Young children often gauge situations by how adult family members respond to them. Therefore, try not to make your concerns too evident to your child. On the other hand, do not ignore or diminish your child’s concerns. For example, it is okay to tell your child, “I know you are sad when Mommy leaves, but I will think of you all day and will be back to get you after your nap.” Remember, too, that staff members at The Grove School have a lot of experience with issues of separation, and are always willing to help you and your child work through the transition.

Be consistent. Having a routine during the first few weeks is essential. Because young children cannot tell time or even recall day-to-day events, their sense of security comes from predictable routines. Waking up in the morning, leaving your home, saying your goodbyes in the same way each day, and picking your child up from the center at the same time of day will provide much-needed consistency. Even if your routine occasionally changes, try to keep your child’s routine the same. Sometimes, having special rituals during drop-off and pick-up times can be helpful.

After time, your child will learn that you will come back when you say you will. As important, a foundation of trust is established between you and your child—one that will make any future transitions easier.

Meg is an editor in our Education Department. She’s been writing and editing for over 20 years, and is currently pursuing a master’s degree in Curriculum and Instruction, Early Childhood Education.